Worthy of Praise

It’s cold now. Not like before when all I felt was a warm breeze flowing through my body, taking the pain away from my chest and easing my nervous mind. I had welcomed that warm breeze and it stayed with me until I was wholly numb. Now only the cold consumes me. I have a sense that I am moving, but it’s hard to say in what direction; up, down, sideways. I guess it doesn’t matter, but I feel like I need to end up somewhere. My poor wife and children. I can only say I am sorry for leaving them so soon.
The cold has become less angry with me and has relented. I have been in this void for so long I feel like something is wrong. I want to see something, anything. My eyes are tired of the blackness that surrounds me. I have no idea how long I have been in this place; 30 seconds, 30 hours, 30 days? I have lost all track of time and my mind aches for change. I miss my family. I should have taken my pills. I knew I wasn’t well.
A star! A precious star that twinkles red, yellow, blue, white then repeats that pattern over and over again. I see it in the distance. Or is it near me? I feel warmth again, like a tropical breeze on a spring day. A tingling around me. Oh thank you! I must have patience now. Things seem to be in working order after all. I have not been forgotten out here, wherever here is. I will soon be somewhere. If only my children could see this. They would say it was the most beautiful thing in the world. I miss them. I know they will take care of my love. I have nothing to worry about.
My God! There is no describing this place. My weary and eager eyes did not see a star but a place. A brilliant place which looks very familiar to me, but strange in an ancient way; ancient beyond my knowledge. The structures are soaked with intelligence and the inhabitants move with such fluidity it all seems artificial. I have been so consumed with quenching my eye’s thirst that I didn’t notice my body. I can feel myself again. And I feel incredible improvement! My skin is soft and flexible, my joints are strong and pain free. I feel like running a trillion miles and leaping over oceans. I thought I could never feel this way. Oh to hold my family again. I would reach around them and lift them up with both arms. I would never let them go. Never again. I must run and release this new energy before I explode like a firework. I am glorious!
There are others here, trillions of them. I have spoken with some and they have tales that make my mind swim with questions and intrigue. One woman told me that I can seek my relatives out and reunite with them, but I am finding out that this place is immense beyond imagination. And so many souls are screaming out the names of their loved ones that my voice becomes diluted before it even exits my mouth. How can I ever wish to find anyone specific in this horde of hordes? My calls will never be heard. But wait, I see a group approaching me. They are waving and gliding to me. Oh how lovely and fantastic! I see my grandfather, my grandmother. Oh how beautiful they are. I see friends and family all coming. I love them all and I soak up the very essence of them as they greet me with their loving arms.
My grandmother, whom had died well before I had the chance to know her, told me all about her experiences on Earth and here, in Heaven. She informed me that they had been watching me my whole life and they were very proud of all my accomplishments. I had grown up to be a very good man and I should be proud of the men my sons have become. I am overjoyed with being able to hear these things and to share my feelings with the people I had only dreamed about. This place is wonderful.
The cold consumes me again. I have been snatched up into the “sky”; into a place that is colorless and uncomfortable. Tis a shame as I had just begun learning of my granddad’s top 1000 favorite things to do on a Sunday. In the gray clouds, a faint figure, outlined only by what appears to be sparkles of dew is edging towards me. My young eyes follow the figure as it glides to the left and then to the right of me; as if it is sizing me up. I want to say something, but I feel it might be out of place so I remain quiet. “Albert James Kingman” it bellowed in a voice made of brass. “Yes?” I choked out. “You are being judged on your Earthly life.” I was surprised to hear this. “Really?” I remarked. “I…I thought perhaps this had already been done. You see I have been here for some time now and figured it was a foregone conclusion...” “You are good man, Albert. You have been loyal to your friends, a great husband and father, an intellectual of immense respect and leader of profound importance to men and children alike. You have lived a full, moral and fruitful life. For this you receive my praise.” “Thank you, sir. Your Majesty.” “I have been watching you ever since you took your first breath. I have been greatly pleased with your contributions to your fellow man. You have shown restraint in times of violence. You have promoted peace when it was easy to ignore it. You thrived in times of turmoil. I am proud of you and what you were able to accomplish in your short time on Earth.” “Oh thank you sir. Thank you.” He stopped pacing and came up to me, only inches away from my face. I could see the grey clouds move behind him, moving into his translucent body and filling him up. He looked solid now and I could see his features. Although his face was missing eyes, I could sense them looking through me. “I love you with all my heart Albert, but because you did not believe in me on Earth, I must send you away from here.” “Excuse me?” “I am sorry my child, but you are not worthy of staying here with me.” “No. I don’t understand. You just told me that I was a good man. I did live a full and moral life. I never stole, coveted or killed anyone. You can’t be serious?” “You contain the qualities of everything I look for in a person, but you lacked faith in me. For this you will be punished forever in the bowels of Hell.” “Wait! Wait! I don’t understand. Are you saying that despite me living an honorable life on Earth, worthy of your praise, I am being banished to… because I simply didn’t believe in you?” The figure turned and left me behind. I stood there watching him and hoping that this was all a dream. I looked at my young strong body and couldn’t fathom why I would need something so strong and new only to be cast into an abyss filled with hellfire and choking smoke. “I don’t understand! Why are you punishing me for being good? Why are you taking me away from all the love of my family and friends when all I did was use the rational thought you gave me?” The gray clouds around me began to dissipate and the surface beneath my feet began to give way. Through the thin veil of mist remaining beneath me, I could see red and orange lights, dancing with the sounds of screams and pain. I could see men, women and children drenched in fire, clawing at each other as if they were trying to remove the very skin on their bones. But their bodies were not perishing. They were sustained only to be burnt over and over again. I looked down at my own strong and youthful hands and understood why I had been given this gift. It was so I could endure the pain and agony forever. The loving god whom I called ‘Majesty’ moments ago had condemned me to infinite torture. And I was a good man worthy of God’s praise.