Diary of The Hated American

I find that I must be well behind the curve when determining truth from fiction. It seems that everyone else has subscribed to the God hypothesis but me. I often find myself wondering where I went wrong. Did I miss something in school? Was I watching NBC when God did his news conference on ABC? Perhaps there was something profoundly important my parents forgot to mention when I was young and impressionable. No matter, I am now in this predicament regardless of how I got here. I guess I’ll have to blame all of the teachers in my life for steering me wrong and hiding the most obvious truth from me.

I was born in a small town smack-dab in the heart of America. Some say, and I agree, that the American experience is best exemplified in the Midwest. The people are hard working, tough, courteous, kind and have a strong belief in patriotism. Each person’s value is determined by what he does and not what he says. This seemed reasonable enough. You can usually find the troublemakers by simply listening to who is TELLING you how good they are rather than showing you. I guess I fared OK as I always seemed to avoid stealing, killing and maiming anyone. I guess I was lucky because I don’t remember God telling me not to do those things. I suppose God and chance can exist at the same time. Our town’s most anticipated holiday of the year was the Fourth of July; Christmas came in second just ahead of hunting season and Thanksgiving. I lived the American experience every day of my childhood. I was proud to be an American. I honored it and adored it, as did my friends and neighbors who accepted me and everyone else who believed in doing the right thing.

Today I found out in a national survey that my fellow Americans hate me. They hate my lack of ethics, and my lack of morality and hope. They hate what I represent, yet I don’t see how it’s possible all of these people ever got the chance to know me. My time is usually spent in quiet reading and I usually try to avoid crowds. I guess it might be a product of hearsay. It could have been that nasty John Freeman whom I told on for stealing back in 4th grade. Yes, I’m sure he has something to do with this. At any rate, the numbers indicate that Americans just don’t like or trust me. I am currently thanking my lucky stars that I got married before this survey was published. These same people say they would have a hard time allowing their daughter to marry me. I can only imagine how hard it would be now to convince my in-laws that I truly am a good person-despite what everyone else was saying about me. Timing is everything my father always says.

I read an article that the former President of the United States, George H. W. Bush, declared (off the record) that atheists should not be considered citizens of America. What would I be then? I have never known life outside of the United States and I surely don’t want to leave the freedoms we have in this country for the oppression of another. Citizenship, I thought, is not dependant on religion. I was born here, cultivated here and contribute my time, money and energy here. I am a citizen by birth. Why wouldn’t I be a citizen? I need to ponder this for awhile. I’ll get back to you.
[6 hours, 6 minutes and 6 seconds later]
Religion is to blame! George H.W. Bush hates me because of it. Not because I don’t have it, but because religion exists. Without their being a choice there would be no divide. The fact that religion demands a choice is enough to send the world into chaos, apparently. You either are a Christian or you are not. There is no in-between (unless you count Catholics and Mormons). Now I stand at odds with people whom I would otherwise have no quarrel with. This is saddening to me as I am sure it is to you, reader. I constantly hear how religion brings people together, but all I see is how it labels and filters people into piles. I’m in a pile now. The one that people are sticking their nose up to and spitting on. I don’t know what I did, but I am sorry. Sorry that our previous generations of American parents allowed this catastrophe to happen. I am too distraught to continue writing. I shall gather myself and return.

[7 minutes later]
I am often told this is a Christian Nation. This is something quite different than an American Nation of course. You see, a Christian Nation is a place where only the Christians get to do what they want. They get to make the rules and impose whatever view they see fit on everyone else who is not ‘Christian’. I have had many fruitful discussions with Christians regarding our founding father’s most illegitimate claim. You know, that pesky one about how state and church should be separate? I am told this is not what the fathers had in mind when they wrote it, well not literally anyway. It’s not what the words say that matters anyway, but rather what American life was like before the Constitution was enacted. You have to “read between the lines” and “take into context” what the establishment clause says in order to really understand it. Interestingly, this method reminds me of the field of Christian apologetics. Always on the hunt for a new way to circumvent difficult Bible passages and contradictions by slight of hand or slip of tongue. The only problem is our founding fathers weren’t writing in befuddling parables or clever poetry. They meant what they said and said what they meant. No amount of sorcery will change that.

So is this a Christian Nation? No, I don’t think so. It most definitely is a secular nation made up of people who came here to start a new life. America has always prided itself on being the melting pot of the world, accepting people of all nations who share in the dream of freedom. A place where hard work and an honest tongue can breed success. Being born and raised in this great land, I too share this dream, and I accept all people from all countries to join this greatest of nations. And I do it without asking them to become Christian first.